The Blue Fairy...

I have always been intellectually and spiritually old, but realised that actually, emotionally, I was very immature. I did not know what love truly was, or what a real friendship consisted of, and often allowed people to both use and walk all over me.

The realisation that I was like this, has actually made me grow emotionally, in a very significant way.

Last year it had been 10 years since I had left school, and since I had left the town that I spent my teenage years in, and I have not been back since. Somebody opened up a face book group, stating that we should have a reunion, but they failed in making it actually happen, so this year, admittedly when I had a bit too much to drink, I decided that as I was good at organisation, I would organise it myself. It did not take long to work out the costs. There were over a hundred people in my year group, so splitting the costs would be easy. It would cost a one of payment of £250 for 4 hours (I think). This was all out our old school (cheeky people didn’t want to give us a discount!!) Anyway, there would also be a returnable deposit of £350. This would be returned only if everything was ok and not broken in any way. So a grand old total of £600. Considering there is over 100 of us that would have been £6 each… if 50 people came then £12... With more than half of that amount being refunded… NOTHING really. Anyway, people didn’t want to pay that money and just expected everything to be handed to them, for them to turn up free of charge, drink for free, eat for free. Well, who will pay? Not me that is for sure! There is no way I would ever risk handing over a deposit of £350 of my own money for a load of people I barely know anymore.

So the reunion is cancelled, and I chat to a friend I used to know about it, and we arrange to meet up in 2 months time, in the town where I used to live. This would cost me £50 travel alone. She informs me that she will invite a few others… great! But then it becomes more people and more, and people either do not reply, or say no, which starts making me feel down. I then ask my friend if she knows any cheap B&Bs in the area. She replies “what do I look like a travel agent?” I find this rather rude. For a friend I would either offer for them to stay at mine, or alternately, either suggest somewhere or say I will look in to it.

Three people said that they would come. So I post on their walls that I was looking forward to it, and soon after I do this, someone else I used to know posts a cruel message, and automatically one of the people who said that they would come suddenly miraculously remembers that her fathers birthday is in a few days so she cannot come.

I realised that I would probably turn up and be stood up, so decided not to go and just delete everybody… and its probably the best idea I have had.

Anyway, the point of all of this is the following…

I have realised that I do not need these people in my life. I have managed to live the past 10 years without them, and can do it again. They never talk to me, they just add me to be nosey and then never say anything. I used to think, because of the bullying I went through at school, I needed to see these people again to get over it, but in fact, and now I realise, I got over it years ago. These people were not my true friends at school, and never will be, they are merely emotional vampires wanting to show off about their non existent achievements, and yes may be it was funny looking to see what they have done with their life, but what have I gained from it? Just the knowledge that they are all still the same narrow minded bigots.

The girl who used to sing at school who looked down on others and would have probably have gone on to the X Factor and been laughed off if it existed back then, still sings, and still takes photoshopped model pics of herself, but who will see those pics? Just random nobodies on face book. Who hears her sing? Just people in pubs.

The girl who used to pretend to be nice to everyone just to make herself feel better is now posting and posting pictures and status’ of her “perfect” family and baby, not noticing that no one ever comments back, as they really do not care… going on and on about her baby not caring that there are people out there who have lost children and do not like it being in their face 24/7.

The girl who always tried to be popular by talking about people behind their backs is still doing just that. Afraid of becoming unliked, so needs to bring others down.

The unpopular girl who hid behind a mask of bubbliness to hide her actual self hating and jealousy has grown up to become even more jealous of people, trying to bring their happiness down by drowning it with her own misery.

The girl who was never intelligent enough to realise that people were taking the Michael out of her, and thought she was gods gift to men, has grown up to be a tart with no self respect and obsessed with sexuality.

The boy who used to think he was popular has grown up to be so self absorbed that he can’t even see what’s right in front of him.

The girls who used to plaster themselves with make up and be nasty to people have achieved absolutely nothing, realising that beauty will not give them everything, and that bullying does not achieve anything in the real world.

They write status after status documenting their every move, picture after picture, and does anyone care? Does anyone ever comment? It is merely a popularity context which they should have left behind the day they left school..

Everybody has their problems, everybody has their own issues, but these people respect no one, just as they did in High School. They do not respect the fact that people do in fact change.

If any of my old school acquaintances ever read this and think that I am talking about them… then it must be true as they obviously have some guilt in their hearts and souls.

The only good thing that has come out of this, is I am in contact with a friend I used to know who has achieved more than what she thinks since leaving school. She has become spiritually whole.

I am free of the past now. I have everything that I want and have come so far. I am proud, and now can leave the past where it belongs… in the past.

If you are still at school, take heed of this... those people that are bullies will be the same in 10 years... they may be big fish at school, but in the real world they are merely plankton in the ocean that is life.