The Blue Fairy...

Looking around makes me feel cold inside.

There's a group of people who are in a rut. Every 6-12 months they have the same problems again and again. They are happy then suddenly the same circumstance props its ugly head and they are back in this vicious circle.

I used to be in a vicious circle. Mine was an 18 month-er that was getting less and less, and one day due to, not only someone giving me advise, but my own realisation of life, I managed to get out of this circle and I started to live. I used to do things to make others happy, but then I realised, maybe selfishly, that infact I am the most important one in my life and I should live for me and however I want to live, not live for anyone else or how someone else wants me to live.

I used to be so down and so lonely, even if I were in a room of people. I used to latch onto anyone who would show me interest thinking that they would be a good friend, but sadly I used to, 99% of the time, be wrong. I've always had a good heart and always believed that everyone had SOME good in them and always looked for that good, and it took me a long time to realise that infact I was wrong. Some people, especially in todays society, do not have an ounce of good in them. Most people are obsessed with money and material things and will pick and pick until they have what they want then will drop you like a used flannel. It took me a long time to realise that and it was very very hard for me.

As well as money and material things people also seem to be obsessed with beauty. Its always nice to take care of yourself and look good, but some people seem to think just because someone is pleasing to the eye, that they are a good person, and will do anything for that person, they do not see the beauty from within.

I'm not going to interfere in peoples lives, everyone has the right to live their life the way they want to, but I hope one day, like me, they can get out of their ruts and be happy.

With my work, I see things that are horrible, real tragedy, and although I've never been naive to the fact everyone has problems, it really hit home what some people are going through. We are all very lucky although we may think we are not. Anyone whos reading this has the privaledge of having access to the internet. We may think we are "poor" but we are a hell of a lot better of than most of the people in the world.

I now have a couple of real friends, a brilliant relationship and a good job. I am so thankful for that and I have done it all mainly on my own and I am proud. People have advised me in the past and seem to want to help, but then walked away or been cruel in some way or another, but I decided to live, to not let it affect me. I am a manic depressive, and that I have to cope with for the rest of my life, but I am dealing with things very well.

Oh and I nw have the most impressive collection of different coloured handbags and shoes ever lol

I have come very far in the past year!